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21-Improving your
emotional intelligence – honing your people-skills
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"People may
not remember what you did for them, or even what
you said, but they will always remember how you
made them feel."
- Anonymous. |
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Most doctors have a high IQ, which is how they manage to get
into medical college in the first place, in the face of very
stiff competition. However, a high IQ is not enough to ensure
that you will do well in practice. Numerous studies show there
is little correlation between IQ scores and success in medical
practice . All of us know classmates who were walking medical
encyclopedias but who have never done well in practice.
So if being well-informed and having a high IQ is not enough
to become a successful doctor , then what is ? Research shows
that the magic ingredient for success in most fields , including
medicine , has nothing to do with cognitive intelligence.
The key is a “soft” skill, called emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence was defined in 1985 by U.S. psychologists
Drs. Peter Salovey and John Mayer as: "the ability to
monitor one’s own and others' feelings and emotions,
to discriminate among them, and to use this information to
guide one's thinking and actions. Emotional Intelligence teaches
you how to deal with your own feelings and those of others,
and consists of five competencies.
Knowing your own emotions ( self-awareness ) . This is the
ability to recognize your feelings, and is the cornerstone
of Emotional Intelligence, because it is crucial to insight
and self-understanding.
Managing your own emotions ( self-regulation ) . This is the
ability to manage your emotions and impulses.
Motivating yourself. You need to be able to marshal
your emotions to reach your goals.
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Recognising and understanding other people’s emotions
( empathy ) : Empathy is the fundamental people skill ‘
that builds on emotional self-awareness and is the ability
to recognize and understand emotions in others.
Managing the emotions of others (managing relationships or
social skills) : The art of building relationships depends
upon your skill in managing emotions in others, and these
are the abilities that determine popularity, leadership, and
interpersonal effectiveness. People who excel in these skills
do well at anything that relies on interacting smoothly with
others ; they are social stars.
It is hardly surprising that most doctors have never heard
of emotional intelligence , or tried to improve their emotional
quotient ( EQ). After all, medical colleges select doctors
for their academic skills , and teach them to become skilled
diagnosticians and technicians , which is why most doctors
are technically competent. Unfortunately , no one teaches
medical students or residents how to relate to their patients,
or to handle their own feelings . While some pick up these
skills from their teachers ( who serve as role models) , others
never learn them.
Why is a high EQ so important for doctors ? Medicine is the
ultimate service profession, and without understanding our
emotions and those of our patients, we are not going to be
able to perform our job competently. Not only does this hurt
our patients , it hurts us also – and many doctors can
never figure out why they have such a hard time keeping their
patients happy , even though their technical skills are superb.
EQ testing of physicians has yielded interesting results.
The EQ score of doctors was much lower than expected, the
average being only 90 in physicians, while the EQ of the average
citizen is 100. ( In comparison, the average IQ of doctors
graduating from medical school today is 120 , much more than
the norm of 100. ) Most physicians were weak in the intrapersonal
area (understanding one's own feelings) and the interpersonal
realm (ability to deal with others). This is hardly surprising.
Some doctors have become so used to being put on a pedestal
and giving orders, that they start thinking of themselves
as being infallible and are not very considerate of their
patient’s feelings.
Unfortunately, medical training is often responsible
for actually dehumanizing doctors and causing emotional
impairment, so that while their IQ may increase
after medical college, their EQ definitely declines
! Not only do we see so much suffering that we get
inured to it, we are also taught to distance ourselves
from our patients. Doctors who get emotionally involved
with patients or display their feelings are considered
to be “unprofessional” since being emotional
is considered to be a sign of weakness. In a profession
that requires emotional sensitivity and compassion,
we are encouraged to numb ourselves in order to
cope with what we witness of the human condition.
What a shame ! We need to remember Dr Peabody’s
immortal words, “the secret of the care of
the patient is in caring for the patient”.
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A major part of the problem is that medical training desensitizes
residents and teaches them to ignore their own feelings. Training
can often be brutal, and sleep deprivation is the norm for
most residents. Doctors are expected to be self-reliant and
independent and the focus is on cramming and learning prodigious
amounts of information. There is little acknowledgement of
the tremendous stress residents find themselves under, and
practically no emotional support. If we do not nurture them,
how can we expect them to nurture their patients when they
start practice ? If they are not allowed to have feelings
or to discuss them, how can we expect them to become compassionate
when they go out in the real world ?
Physicians who can empathize and respect their patient’s
feelings are much more successful at getting their patients
to trust them; more productive; and less likely to get sued.
Patients do not care how much you know, until they know how
much you care ! We are now realizing the importance of emotional
intelligence in medical practice and the Veterans Administration
hospital system in the US has incorporated EQ self-assessments
and training in its leadership institute program for doctors.
Remember that a high EQ will not only help you take better
care of your patients, it will also help you progress in your
career. Doctors need to interact with superiors, employees
and colleagues. Those who know how to persuade others because
of their high EQ usually manage to sail through life and achieve
their goals. Success is often dependent not upon know-how,
but know-who – and who you know ( and who knows you
!) is vitally important for success. Many doctors feel this
is “unfair” and resent colleagues who may be professionally
incompetent , but still rise to positions of power because
of their ability to please “higher-ups”. Politics
is an inescapable fact of life , and we need to learn that
it exists, whether we like it or not. “ People competence”
is as important as technical competence, and smart people
learn this early in life ! Social and emotional abilities
have been shown to be far more important than IQ in determining
professional success and prestige, and as the saying goes,
IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted ! Rather than
complain about it, why not learn to improve your own chances
of success, by polishing your own EQ skills ?
Think of EQ as a different way of being smart – and
the good news is that you can raise your own EQ. A high IQ
is not incompatible with a high EQ. IQ and EQ are complementary
skills, and the first step is to become aware of the importance
of this skill, so that you can concentrate on using your high
IQ to improve your EQ. Growing emotionally is a lifelong process.
No matter how old you are , you can always learn to become
aware of your feelings, to accept them, and to use the information
they offer to your patients’ advantage and your own.
Some doctors develop these skills intuitively, while others
need to learn them
A number of books can help you improve your EQ,
and these include: The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence
and Your Success by Howard E. Book, Steven J. Stein;
and Raising Your Emotional Intelligence : A Practical
Guide by Jeanne Segal. The best way to learn is
to find a role model with a high EQ ( psychiatrists
usually have high EQs ) and copy him. While a high
IQ may help you get higher marks on an exam, a high
EQ will help you become a happier person and more
productive physician !
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